Video marathon

Jack was sick yesterday with a consistent fever of 101 to 102. Poor kid. at one point in my designated break from cartoons he just sat and watched the lights turn colors. And to pull my heart strings further was the fact that this cold virus he has makes his eyes water a ton so there were tears streaming down his face most of the day. Poor poor kid. Thankfully the last few days I have only been up twice each night when they have needed me. Last night Jack needed me to help him with his blankets and as I helped he croaked out a thank you mama. Not what you expect at 2 am and it made me so proud. Being stuck in sick land for the few days has helped me see some things. The largest is that things are better when I toss out my personal agenda. I get less irritated and and I think the boys feel like I am more focused on them, which I am. To be honest though I fear that if I toss out my agenda than I am tossing myself out and Tirzah will be lost in the dinners, toys, laundry, baths and snotty noses of 6045 Washington. Little things help me know that I am still here like little croaky voices of thanks, clean laundry, clean fluffy hair, organized toys and yummy dinners to name a few. I just need to remind myself that I will always struggle with public and private accolades and that my definition of myself will always(hopefully) be changing.